Biting the Hand That Feeds You

The Return of Spring


This little guy is early or late (it was so warm last week). He's our first this season.

Photographed - 3/06




Every time it seems like things are starting to go smoothly for me, WHAM! I'm hit square in the face with another problem. This time it's the fistula they put in my left arm. Because of the fistula the blood flow to my hand has been diminished somewhat. It may be to the point I'll lose the use of my left hand.

When I woke up a few days ago, I noticed what appeared to be some bleeding around the joints of my fingers and knuckles from cracked dry skin. That was not unusual. I've suffered from dry skin in the winter before. Today, however, my hand and all my fingers are covered with what appears to be small bruises and scabs. My joints are stiff and I cannot fully close my hand.

I 've got an appointment with the surgeon Monday morning for him to take a look at it. I just can't believe this, another setback or maybe worse. I hope there's something that can be done. I sure can't afford to lose my hand. I'm scared of what he's going to tell me. I just can't take any more of these problems. I still have not fully recovered from all my time in the hospital and now this on top of it all. It's just too much for my mind to bear.

Depression is trying to take hold again. I'm working to fight it off. We're going for a drive towards Chattanooga tomorrow so I can look for some old barns and other things to photograph. Maybe that will take my mind off of these new problems. As I sit here and type, my hand is starting to tingle slightly, like when you hand falls asleep. I'm afraid, I fear the outcome of this not to be a happy one.