Friday, March 24, 2006

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Biting the Hand That Feeds You

The Return of Spring

This little guy is early or late (it was so warm last week). He's our first this season.

Photographed - 3/06

Every time it seems like things are starting to go smoothly for me, WHAM! I'm hit square in the face with another problem. This time it's the fistula they put in my left arm. Because of the fistula the blood flow to my hand has been diminished somewhat. It may be to the point I'll lose the use of my left hand.

When I woke up a few days ago, I noticed what appeared to be some bleeding around the joints of my fingers and knuckles from cracked dry skin. That was not unusual. I've suffered from dry skin in the winter before. Today, however, my hand and all my fingers are covered with what appears to be small bruises and scabs. My joints are stiff and I cannot fully close my hand.

I 've got an appointment with the surgeon Monday morning for him to take a look at it. I just can't believe this, another setback or maybe worse. I hope there's something that can be done. I sure can't afford to lose my hand. I'm scared of what he's going to tell me. I just can't take any more of these problems. I still have not fully recovered from all my time in the hospital and now this on top of it all. It's just too much for my mind to bear.

Depression is trying to take hold again. I'm working to fight it off. We're going for a drive towards Chattanooga tomorrow so I can look for some old barns and other things to photograph. Maybe that will take my mind off of these new problems. As I sit here and type, my hand is starting to tingle slightly, like when you hand falls asleep. I'm afraid, I fear the outcome of this not to be a happy one.


At 2:55 AM, Blogger wendela said...

What you're going through, I can't even imagine. It would be understandable (to me) that you'd become depressed. We're pulling for you, and looking forward to any images you may want to share!

At 12:45 PM, Blogger Lisi said...

Hi Ggraph, I don't know what to say, but I hope things will go for the bright side. Please don't let depression take over...Btw, greetings from Hong Kong and I'm also using a Panasonic camera but mine is FZ10, yours are much cooler

At 8:37 PM, Blogger mysteryscribe said...

Just keep moving forward Mark. It is a mother I know, but just don't quit. You can handle this. you are one of the bravest guys I know.

At 1:35 PM, Blogger Me said...

One day at a time is all any of us can deal with.

My little goddess book says of today - if you are not living life on the edge - you are taking up to much room.

You have more than most on your plate - you can only eat it a bit at a time...

Kind regards


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