Friday, February 17, 2006

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Transplantation - Thoughts

Church At Dusk

This whole transplant thing gives one reason to reflect. You ask yourself many questions, most have no concrete answers. Since this transplant will be from a cadaver someone else must die in order for me to live.

I have a hard time with this. I don't feel it's right to pray for a transplant knowing that it means someone else 's life will end so that mine might continue. I find myself asking - Am I worthy of this second chance? What have I done with my life so far? Have I made any positive contributions towards anything. Could I have done more, been a better person or strived for a higher purpose?

All good questions but, without real answers. All I know is that it's in God's hands and he knows best. I will try to be a better person and continue to improve myself, learn more and be more understanding with others.

This whole ordeal has reinforced the concept of family and friends. Both have been great support for me. I could not have survived this without their help. Life has become more precious Every sunrise and sunset more beautiful. Each bite of food taste more intense. Everyday things are more important to me now. You begin to see things differently with a new appreciation.

I miss some of the simple things I used to be able to do. Like go for a walk in the woods or go swimming. Go surf fishing at the beach or work in the darkroom. It's all little things you never really gave a second thought to before. Now you miss being able to do them so much it hurts deeply into your very soul.

I do not know how things will end up. I can only hope for the best that I can do. So that's where I am. I hope you don't mind my rambling on but, it's my blog so I can.


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