Friday, May 25, 2007

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Depression? Who.... Me/

North Georgia Images at Lakewood 400

Am I depressed? I think I am sometimes but I think we all get depressed at times. I have some good days ever now and then. I have really bad days more often it seems. These are days that I feel physically bad and yes, that in itself can be depressing but that feeling doesn't last but a day or two. One of my docs thinks I should be taking something for it and wrote me an Rx for Paxcil but I haven't filled it. I really don't think I need another medication of any kind.

My sight problems still are giving me fits and I wonder if I should continue to spend time, effort and money on photography. - another reason to be depressed. That and the 50% two-year survival rate I was told I am facing is another reason. Even with all these new unpleasant things I struggle forward. Yes, I've thought about taking my favorite pistol and using it to end my life and stop the misery I cannot yet do this.

It's the love for my wife and my love of creating photographic art that keeps me going. Sue is my support. She is much stronger than I and she is always there for me. I only hope I can be there for her too.

We did attempt to sell some framed photos at an antique market last weekend but the traffic there was very slow. Even the regular vendors said it was much less traffic there than normal. We sold a photo-canvas and several sets of note cards on Friday but had no sales the rest of the weekend. I made just enough to pay for the space and the food we ate.

We have decided to give it another try in June and maybe again in the Fall so we'll see how it goes. We did have people asking if we would be there next month - go figure what that means.

The photos are of our little booth at the Lakewood 400 Antique Market. This coming month of June we will be in space B-52 (hope that doesn't mean we'll bomb) It's the 3rd weekend of the month so come visit if you're near by and have the time

Sunday, May 13, 2007

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This is from a friend's site in the UK and is an important notice. Please be on the lookout for Madeleine whever you live - Thank you.
This is the latest photo released of Madeleine. It shows a distinctive discoloration in her right eye. This obviously could help further to identify Madeleine, should any of us see a little girl who looks 'a bit like her' but who leaves us unsure.Today, 12th May, is Madeleine's 4th birthday.'Happy Birthday' is not appropriate at all, but we are thinking of you Madeleine and are doing all we can to get you home.I am filing constant updates and accounts of news reports in the comments box here for readers' information; I know that some countries are not fully covering the story.British Madeleine McCann, aged 3, was abducted from Praia da Luz in Portugal on 3rd May 2007. Her parents were dining at a restaurant, leaving her and her twin 2 -year old siblings alone in their apartment.Madeleine, of course, could be anywhere in the world now. If you see her or know anything, please call Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111 or 0044 1883 731 336 for outside UK.I have decided to show Madeleine's picture here on Cheltenham Daily Photo, which i will leave for two days as the current photo, to help publicise this terrible event and circulate her photo so that everyone can look out for her. Her family and Sky News are asking people to circulate a poster/photo for this reason. Let's all pray that this beautiful little girl will be returned safe and well.I feel compelled to say, however, that I would never, ever have left my own sons alone in a room while dining at a restaurant. Not even for five minutes. It's wrong. It's illegal. It's unsafe. Wouldn't have even entered my head. When you have young children, the choice is; pay a trusted babysitter or eat at home with them. Simple. I may sound harsh but i feel very strongly about it. I've spent many holidays abroad with my young sons. That was never an option in my mind. That act, by her parents, who i still feel desperately for of course, i will never understand. What do you think?BBC Report with site map of restaurant and apartment complexRewards of £1 million - from a UK businessman and £10,000 - from The Portugal News - have been offered for info. leading to arrest.New reward of £1.5 million from British newspaper News Of The World

Saturday, May 12, 2007

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Good news not so good really

Photographed 5/07
This is just an update on the tests that I had last week. Week before last I had a stress, this last Tues I had an echo cardiogram. The technician informed me that she did not see any changes from the one done last year and my stress test showed no blockages so everything looked good - they would probably be seeing me again in 6 months. I was so happy about this that I called Sue when I got home and gave her the good news. We felt we had dodged a problem for once since everything seemed okay.

Thursday, this week was the first day this week I was not scheduled for dialysis or a Dr's visit - my first free day in probably a month. So while working on my computer that morning, about 11:00 am I had a phone call from my cardiologist office. They called to tell me they had the results from my stress test - I told them I already had the results and that everything looked good...the lady on the phone informed me, however, that there was a significant change in the stress test and the Dr. wanted to talk to me about it....She said that although it was short notice, the Dr. had an opening at 12:15 and if I could make it, he would like to see me as soon as possible (this doesn't sound good).

I go to see the Dr. The Dr and one of his assistants come in - it is unusual for 2 people to come in. He breaks the news to me that my ejection rate - the amount of blood pumped from my heart as the heart beats has fallen to a new lower level of only 28%. He tells me this has put me into a category of people that should have internal defibrillators installed. He explains that this is a device that will shock the heart should it stop suddenly or should it go into arrhythmia. He went on to tell me that statistically, w/o intervention, the 2 year survival rate would be only 50% - 5 yr survival rate around 20%. This was quite a difference from a couple days ago when I thought everything was okay. Now I'm faced w/ a decision - do I have this device installed which might prolong my life should this sudden death syndrome occur or do I not install the device and let nature take it's course?

Installing the device will not make me feel any better now nor keep me from feeling sick to my stomach several times a week as I do now or cure my eye problems or restore my balance. The only thing it could do, might be extend my life if I had a problem so I would continue to suffer w/ these other problems. So is it worth installing to continue this kind of a life?

I have not yet decided. I need to ask a few more questions. But, to me letting the natural course of events take place may be a better option. It seems that my heart is growing weaker but this device won't help that. Sue and I both have a lot to think about and I'll guess I'll make a decision this week. Sue said she will support whatever decision I make.

On other notes, I am going to take a space at the antique market this weekend to try to sell some framed photos. I think I have some nice work and would like folks to be able to enjoy it.
Will let you know later how things turn out. Sue is home all week this week and will be helping w/ the sale this weekend. I've missed her - she was gone all last week - but I'm so happy she's back now. As a matter of fact, she's writing this for me tonight because my eyesight is giving me trouble again. This is why I have not posted much lately. I do have an appointment w/ the eye Dr. this Wed to hopefully get the correct contacts to help this problem and maybe prevent it from happening again.

Miss Kitty had to go back to the vet this week. She, like me, seems to be having problems each week. We have a few good days and some bad days. She is holding her own and seems to be very happy for several days and then has few days she's not doing too well and is sick. And, she too is much happier when Sue is home.

Thank you all for reading. Mark

Photo for the day - another spring flower as I try to improve my macro flower taking capabilities.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

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Flowers for Susan

Today's post is very simple. May 3rd is our 21st wedding anniversary.

It's been a wonderful trip and I hope it will go on forever.

The flowers are for you, your favorite - Lilies
All my love -Mark